You’re Not Too Much: Reframing Internalized Rejection in the LGBTQ+ Community

For some LGBTQ+ folks, the fear of being “too much”, too emotional, too needy, too loud, too queer can feel like a constant companion. Often, it’s not about what’s happening in the present moment, but about years of subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages that who you are is somehow “wrong” or “extra”.

This is what we call internalized rejection: when the critical voices of others become the critical voice inside your own head. And when you carry this weight, it can quietly shape how you move through the world, sometimes leaving you second-guessing, holding back, or even apologizing for existing.

But here’s the truth: you’re not too much.

How Internalized Rejection Shows Up

Internalized rejection often grows out of lived experiences like bullying, exclusion, discrimination, or even inconsistent care during childhood. Over time, those experiences can teach your nervous system to expect rejection, even in safe or neutral situations.

You might notice yourself:

• Replaying conversations and worrying if you overshared

• Avoiding vulnerability because you fear being “too intense” or “too emotional”

• Feeling ashamed for wanting closeness, affection, or validation

• Silencing parts of your identity to feel safer in relationships, work, or community

What makes this cycle so painful is that it’s self-perpetuating. The more you hold back, the more disconnected you feel, which can reinforce that belief that you’re somehow “too much” to be fully accepted.

Why This Hits Harder in the LGBTQ+ Community

For LGBTQ+ people, the fear of rejection is not abstract—it’s lived. Whether it’s family rejection, cultural stigma, or subtle invalidations, the message that your identity or desires don’t belong can become deeply ingrained.

This doesn’t just create anxiety in the moment. It can seed long-term patterns of self-doubt, people-pleasing, or hiding, leaving you feeling as though rejection is inevitable.

But these patterns are not signs of weakness. They are survival strategies you developed in a world that hasn’t always made space for you. Rejection therapy offers a chance to untangle those strategies from your sense of worth and begin living from a place of choice rather than fear.

Reframing “Too Much” as Enough

Part of healing rejection sensitivity is learning to recognize that the parts of yourself you’ve been taught to shrink are often the same parts that make you beautifully human: your depth of feeling, your desire for connection, your capacity for authenticity.

In therapy, we work together to:

• Explore where internalized rejection began and how it still shows up

• Challenge the inner critic that says you need to be smaller to be loved

• Build resilience around rejection by practicing new ways of relating

• Develop self-compassion so that your worth isn’t tethered to others’ approval

This is the heart of rejection therapy. It’s about learning how to show up fully, even when rejection is a possibility, without losing your sense of self.

You Are Worthy of Full Belonging

You don’t have to keep shrinking to fit someone else’s comfort. You don’t have to silence your needs or second-guess every interaction. Healing from internalized rejection takes time, but it’s possible.

If you find yourself replaying conversations, doubting your worth, or avoiding connection because the fear of rejection feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep carrying this alone.

I offer therapy for LGBTQ+ individuals in Washington, D.C., to gently reframe internalized rejection and build more open, connected lives. Together, we can shift from living in fear of being “too much” to embracing the truth that you are already enough.

If you’re ready to start therapy or want to learn more, contact me for a free consultation today. 

Dr. Wayne Bullock is a compassionate, experienced, and licensed counselor in Washington D.C. focused on the needs of gay men and the LGBTQ community. Specialties include the treatment of trauma, depression, anxiety, and sex therapy.