How Depression Can Affect Your Sex Life
- Dr Wayne Bullock
- 11 hours ago
- 3 min read
Depression affects much more than your mood. It can change your energy levels, motivation, confidence, and, yes, it can also affect sexual desire and levels of physical arousal.
Have you noticed that you rarely think about sex anymore? Are you avoiding intimacy because it requires more energy than you have? Do you want closeness with your partner but are afraid of disappointing them?
These feelings can be frustrating and confusing, especially if sex was once an important part of your life. If you resonate with this, know that a change in sexual desire doesn’t necessarily mean you stopped loving your partner or that you’ve developed a permanent issue.
Depression and anxiety can temporarily alter the way you relate to pleasure, your body, and other people. Let’s talk about the signs, how to support yourself, and when it might be time to consult a sex therapist.
4 Ways Depression Can Affect Your Sex Life
Depression Can Lower Your Sex Drive
Sexual desire is influenced by more than physical attraction. Your emotional well-being, stress levels, and energy levels all come into play as well.
Depression often creates fatigue and emotional heaviness. Everyday responsibilities may require more effort than they once did. When you have limited energy to get through work and all your other responsibilities, you may simply not have enough energy for sex.
Depression can also reduce your capacity to feel pleasure. Activities you once enjoyed may seem uninteresting or emotionally distant. This loss of pleasure can extend to affection, touch, arousal, and orgasm.
Depression Can Affect How You See Yourself
Depression often changes the way you think about yourself. You may feel unattractive, undesirable, disconnected from your body, or unworthy of attention. For gay men and other LGBTQ+ people, these concerns may also exist alongside pressures involving identity, masculinity, or belonging.
These beliefs can make it more difficult to initiate or respond to advances on top of other challenges you might be facing, like low sexual desire or erectile dysfunction. It can also make it difficult to be present during sex.
Depression Can Make Sex Feel Like an Obligation
Many people with depression still push themselves to have sex because they are afraid of disappointing their partner or creating distance in the relationship.
Over time, sex can begin to feel like something you must perform rather than something you choose. Over time, you may start to avoid other forms of affection because you worry it will lead to expectations for sex.
A lower level of desire is not a moral failure. It is also not something you should be forced to overcome for another person’s comfort. Honest conversations about consent, expectations, affection, and emotional needs can help protect intimacy while you are struggling.
Antidepressant Medications Affect Desire, Too
Some antidepressant medications affect sexual desire or arousal. It can be hard to know whether your depression or your medication is contributing to your low desire or sexual dysfunction.
A medical provider can help you consider whether medication may be contributing and discuss appropriate options. Do not stop or adjust your medication without first speaking to your primary physician. Therapy complements medical care by addressing the emotional and relational concerns that may accompany these changes.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a place to discuss depression and sexuality without judgment. It can also help you understand how depression is affecting your sex life personally and manage any feelings of shame, stress, or loneliness you may also be experiencing.
I’m Dr. Wayne Bullock, a licensed clinical psychologist in Washington, DC. I provide therapy for those with depression as well as sex and sexuality therapy. My approach is affirming of diverse sexual orientations, gender identities, desires, and relationship structures.
If depression has affected your desire, confidence, or ability to connect intimately, we can talk about what you are experiencing and determine whether working together feels like a good fit.
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